It’s almost a month since we last saw each other. The last time was when you asked me for a cigarette break, remember? Funny, because it’s not actually a break, we just wanted to call it that way. It’s funny how in a short time, we have these shared meanings, like how we give unfamiliar names, that only we know, to some things.
Remember our first cigarette break together? It was blue moon and I wanted to go out, I wanted to see the moon and feel the cold breeze, and I wanted to see you. I knew that I won’t see you for some time so I wanted to see you before that happens. I was at home, and you waited for me outside our village. I was gasping for air when I climbed into your car because I ran. It was ridiculous. I knew you waited long, though.
For two hours we talked while you drank your coffee and I almost emptied your pack of cigarettes. Sorry.
And then our friend came and we had two rounds of beer. It’s nice having her around, right? She’s a very cheerful person and there’s no dull moment with her. That night, it was like she was holding a nylon and we held the opposite ends. We joined in the game that she was playing and we were having fun. It was nice.
Unlike when it’s just the two of us, there are a lot of awkward silences. I’d catch you just looking at me, and I’d look at you, my eyes were asking, but you’d give me this blank face. Really, I don’t understand you. Among all the men I’ve known, I find you hard to understand, and I want to know what exactly runs into your mind — when we talk, when you see me, when you look at me like that, when you hear me speak, when you ask me and when I give you answers.
Now, I still want to know what’s going on in your mind. How come, one moment, you’d call me this, and the other, that, why, on Saturday you asked me out for the next day but on Sunday you didn’t even call me. I kept waiting for that call. I went home early for that call.
It’s almost a month since we last saw each other, since that blue moon when we had a cigarette break. The night when you asked for a kiss and I pushed you hard, twice, and said sorry. If you ask me now, I’d still say no.
But hey, dude, it’s been a month, I miss you.
