11:19:10 | I’m shaking in a coffee shop

What I’d do for him

Wait for him 2 hrs and so on even after he said he’d catch me in an hour. And then finding out he already left without him having an idea that I waited, but still keeping my cool.

What he’d do for me

If my hunches are right, our friend is trying to set him up with a flight attendant. Very beautiful, tall—-what do we expect. So, what chance do I have against her? But I don’t know what’s on his mind. He wanted me to come with him, said it’d be lonely to go in this party alone, and that he wanted to go home early. Is he trying to avoid to meet a tall beautiful flight attendant?

Or does he want me to come so I’d see the two of them getting to know each other? Bear with my confidence, but I refuse to believe it.

Early tonight, I went out because he told me he’d see me. I didn’t say ok but I still waited for him. I thought everything was going according to my plan. But partly because of me, the plan also failed.

If he was set up with that girl, then he’s probably with her now. As corny as it sounds, as I know my previous posts have been, it’s breaking my heart. But after all, it was partly my fault. It’s like he gave me the chance but I gave it away. I let go of it. If things turn out well between them, it’s like I let him go.

I was thinking this afternoon, maybe it’s the best way. It was kind of selfish of me to keep him to myself when I don’t want him. It’s very strange and complicated, how I feel, as I’ve been telling you. I want him but I don’t. I don’t know how to feel anymore. I just hope things turn out well. And if possible, I hope I could still keep him, even just as a friend. He’s the best thing that has ever happened to me as far as I could remember. He makes me feel safe and taken care of.

My thoughts are rambling. I should concentrate on other things but I can’t. Sigh. I hope this pass. And make it soon.